A few days ago I was talking to some of my clients during a workshop and discussing possible ways to learn how to love ourselves better. There was so much interest that I decided to share with you the tips I gave them. Feel free to use them all or just some. They have an accumulative effect but can also be used one at a time. Enjoy loving yourself better from now on.
Grab a piece of paper and for once, make the effort of defining what you LIKE in yourself, instead of finding whatever it is that you believe needs changing/improving. Identify 3 things you like in each of the following fields:
physical – define 3 things you like in your body, including your face: your hair, your walking style, your height, your posture… anything.
emotional – define 3 traits in you that you like: generous, hard-working, sentimental… anything.
abilities – define 3 skills you have that you like: good handwriting, well organized, fast learner… anything.
Each morning after breakfast and each evening before you go to bed, look at yourself in the mirror, look deeply into your eyes, and remind you of those 9 things you like in yourself. Praise them. Praise yourself for them. Remember that there are AT LEAST 9 things in you that you like. Celebrate those 9 things.
It might be hard, specially at the beginning, because we’re so used to doing just the opposite and looking for flaws, mistakes and the like. But do try. Give yourself a break and be fair; stop JUST looking for the bad in you and start looking for, and praising, the GOOD.
Identify and improve your model
First of all, ask yourself who your teacher was. Who taught you how to love yourself as a human being? Did you learn it from your parents? From a friend? Most of us learn by imitating our role models, even subconsciously. Once you identify who you learned it from, ask yourself if you really like the way that person loved him or herself. Is that the type of love you want to give yourself? If it is, can you improve it? If it isn’t, can’t you find a better role model to imitate? The role model doesn’t need to be a person you know but could also be a character in a book or movie. Yes, I know they might not be “real” but what they’re portraying is the type of love you want to give yourself. Focus on that and learn what they do to transmit that love. At the end of the day, you just want to learn how to do it better.